I Don’t Know

I don’t know if I will be running Newport Marathon on June 4th. I have not been able to run this week because the left foot I injured last April (with five weeks before Eugene Marathon) is now acting up again (with five weeks before Newport Marathon). Every fiber of my being is attempting to remain calm, positive, and rational, but my heart is once again feeling the palpable tinge of disappointment. No, this one isn’t as painful as Eugene. Eugene was like a bad break-up that caught me off-guard and left me feeling sorry for myself. Following the heartache, I made a personal commitment not to ever place so much value on a race again. After all, running is not what wholly defines me. Nonetheless, training and perhaps experiencing another DNS, is still a shock to the psyche.

My twenty mile training run for Eugene on the Newport Marathon course in March 2015.

Aside from dealing with the unknown of whether the marathon distance will be happening or not, I have been single parenting for the last two weeks. There is nothing more overwhelming for me than being responsible for the safety and well-being of two other smaller human beings while trying to preserve my personal sanity. The mental, emotional, and physical demands I experience when my husband is gone- cooking, cleaning, disciplining, nurturing – are completely taxing by the end of the day. My days have been long (5 am wake-up, 11 pm bedtime) and each night, when I am finally done with the litany of chores, I go to bed with a grateful heart knowing my single parenting situation is only temporary.

Hanging out with my favorite people!

Summer is right around the corner and I just couldn’t be any happier. There are five more work weeks left for me and I am down to only nine psycho-educational evaluations to administer. My sister is supposed to be visiting me three weeks from today, and my cousin and my niece (who is the same age as my 12-year-old daughter) will also be visiting us. There are so many fun adventures planned ahead (camping, hiking, margaritas – for the adults) and I am making a valiant effort to see past the detours that lay before me right now. It’s so hard to prevent the mind from wandering and constantly questioning the future with the “what-ifs”, but I know investing my energy on the “what-ifs” is only time wasted. Corrie Ten Boom’s quote, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” reminds me to focus on my riches as opposed to my sorrows. Oh and if you don’t know who Corrie Ten Boom is, she happened to be a woman of faith and courage during a time when faith and courage were all too uncommon.

Real heroes emerge during times of conflict and adversity. My marathon distance seems so inconsequential compared to Women Heroes of World War II


Since there is no long run for me this weekend, I will pass the time doing laundry, mowing the lawn, grocery shopping, vacuuming, scrubbing the tubs, hearing the word “Momma” repeated a thousand times throughout the day, studying for a test I have to administer (it’s a new test and I need to make sure I am administering it correctly) and waiting for my husband to get home so that I can lock myself up in the closet with a chocolate bar and bottle of wine.

Have you ever raced while injured? How do you deal with stress and worry?  Do you energize and recharge by being around people, or do you lock yourself in the closet with a chocolate bar and bottle of wine?




One thought on “I Don’t Know

  1. 😦 Sorry to read your foot is causing you grief. Hope to see you and the family whether you’re able to run the Newport Marathon or not. Give yourself a BIG at’a girl for all your hard work keeping all the balls in the air while Chris is gone … again. Happy to hear you have some visits from family in the near future. Good times ahead. Love to you and the girls and a pat on the head for Jake.

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